A Great Nationals Date Featuring Bryce Harper And A Stabbing

DC Sports Nexus ---- Sunday, April 29, 2012

Read Part 1 at Caps Basketball

A "Date":

That night the Nationals were playing the Dodgers and the most hyped up baseball prospect of all time Bryce Harper was making his major league debut.  I had already washed away the terrible memories of the Caps game and my DC Sports mojo was getting excited again.

I invited a girl to meet me at the bar.  Before she came out we did not discuss anything about the Washington Nationals or about watching a game together.  This, I guess in her eyes (no thanks to me), was a date.  

I got to the bar first and planted right in front of a TV with the Nats game on.  I watched an inning in peace and was kind of hoping the girl would be even later so I could watch more baseball uninterrupted.  Sadly Finally she showed up and I guess you could say we were officially on a date.

I'm sure I said "hello" and some other dreamy pickup-style line about how her beauty is a sunset on the equator after a rainstorm, but after that I went right into talking about Bryce Harper.  "Who is Bryce Harper?" was her response.

That was the moment the date ended in my eyes.  However me and her together continued on...

The Tall Lady:

At one point in between innings I joked with her about this giant girl who was sitting 2 seats away from us.  I was making hilarious jokes about her size and other mean things.  The only problem was that I had a few Bud Light Platinums at that point and apparently my whispers were more like screams.

She came over to talk to us after hearing what we were saying, and wanted to know what we were talking about.  I spun the story to say we were talking about my tall friend and blah blah blah using my MBA business skills I got out of the situation WITHOUT getting slapped in the face.

The "Stabbing":

Thirty minutes later tall girl came back.  This time she was not just drunk, but s-faced.  She tried to sit in her stool and instead went crashing to the floor.  A few bystanders helped her off the ground but two minutes later she was right back on the ground.

On her second grand fall to to the sticky beer palace, she hit the lady that I was with.  My lady said "I feel like I've been stabbed, I think I have to go to the hospital."  

Instead of saying "oh crap come with me" and taking her to the hospital, I told her she was probably just fine, as I glanced up at the Nationals game.  I mean stabbed?  She wasn't even bleeding!

She went to close her tab (I'm a great date) and came back to tell me that she had to go.  I responded.  "Do...you...want...me to walk...you....to...the...hospital" in a voice that sounded like she would really be a "B" if she made me take her.  She told me she would be fine and left.

A Decision Which May Have Been Wrong?:

I thought for a second about running after her, but Bryce Harper was going to bat soon.  So I stayed at the bar alone, got another beer, and watched the Nats game.  Don't worry I texted her to ask if she was OK.  She didn't respond, but I had done my due diligence. 

Update:  Got a reply at 5:52 am (must have been the time she got out of the hospital).  The text read "I'm Fine.  You're A Jerk.  Don't Call Me"  I hope she doesn't read this blog...

1 comment:

  1. That's actually so funny. Not to be mean or anything...but how do you not know who Bryce Harper is? I mean, come on!